I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My feet surprised me
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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