It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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