Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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