i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I would ride that face into the sunset
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
