alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
