Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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