well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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