Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
vagina is talking i cant
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
