One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
