dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
