Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
