My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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