I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
