a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
