I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i will never coherently bang her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
