Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
