I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
