I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
