the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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