I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
