I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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