suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
