Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
