she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
