Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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