saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
