dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
