I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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