I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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