I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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