You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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