office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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