dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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