If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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