Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
