i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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