What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
