it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
