he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
