youre lurking in front of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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