I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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