Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
