So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
