So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
