I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
