ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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