My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
