when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
