someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
