dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
